Jack Ramsey is trotting over to the sideline.  On third and 2 from the Northern Illinois 46, Ramsey covered up the tight end, resulting in an illegal procedure penalty.  Third and 2 became third and 7, and after an incomplete pass, the punt team was headed out on to the field.

As he passes head coach Ron Zook, he gets a “that’s alright Jackie – we’ll get ‘em next time.  You’re still my boy.  You know that, right?” just like always.  Loves his coach, Ramsey does.  But then, as he takes a seat on the bench, he sees new Wide Receiver coach Arthur McBadass headed his way. *gulp*

“Ramsey, you’re done until halftime.  If you can’t show me the decency of lining up correctly, you don’t belong on my field. And get ready for a fun practice on Monday.”

Good cop/bad cop.  That’s what I want.  We already have a good cop – one that seemingly hasn’t ever written a ticket in his life.  We need a bad cop.  Or two.

Point #3 is to hire bad cops for our two coordinator positions (and, if the rumblings I’m hearing this afternoon are true, the offensive bad cop will be Arkansas offensive coordinator Paul Petrino).  They don’t necessarily need to be Tom Coughlin, but I want some disciplinarians.  Buck stops here.  My way or the highway. I don’t care if your head coach lets you jump offsides as much as you want – you do it for me and their will be consequences.

No, I don’t want a Rich Rodriguez, screaming and belittling his players every chance he gets.  That can be counterproductive.  I just want Zook’s Free Hugs campaign to be balanced with some “every action has a consequence”.

My wife and I do this with our boys some times.  I’ll be all “that’s OK chief – I’m sure you’ll remember next time” and she’ll be “you better pray to the god of skinny little punks…”  It’s a good balance.  They need to know they’re loved, but they also need to know that certain behaviors are unacceptable.

Which is what we’ve been missing.  I don’t know the specific nuances behind the coaching of Jim Pry and Mike Woodford, but looking at the results on the field (read: sloppy), I don’t think any of their players were ever told that their behavior was unacceptable.  Zook has always hired recruiters as his assistants, and recruiters are buddy-buddy by nature.  So when the “you’re my boy” of signing day turns into “that’s OK, you’re my boy” on the practice field, we get an offensive unit skilled at one thing: shooting itself in the foot.

Can it work?  Absolutely.  Look no further than USC.  (Again, just like the Mack Brown comparison, I’m not saying we’re going to find ourselves in the top 10 every season. I’m simply looking for a model.)  Pete Carroll is the players coach to end all players coaches.  High fives, chest bumps on the sideline, practical jokes in spring ball, arm-in-arm with his players walking off the field – all the things the Zooker would love to do if we were actually, you know, good.

Carroll leaves the bad cop to his assistants. They tear down, he builds up.  They discipline, he encourages.  They ground them from their cell phone for backtalking, he lets them use his phone as long as they promise not to tell.  It’s a pretty good system – the players have an advocate.  And they need one, because their position coach has been riding them at practice for weeks.

My biggest desire is to see our defensive coordinator be the baddest cop this side of Harvey Keitel.  I’m tired of our soft defense.  Not just in scheme, but in attitude.  It’s no coincidence that our best defense under Zook was the year that Vince Okruch was calling the plays.  We need an Okruch, only harsher.  And if our new DC could also have a mustache like Okruch – man, that would just be fantastic.

So that’s it.  Point 3: we need to balance our sweet little old grandma of a head coach with coordinators pulled from a biker bar.

(Looks like Paul Petrino is confirmed as offensive coordinator.  Here’s hoping he has a Harley.)