First, a giant flashing neon sign of a disclaimer, in three parts:

1) This is a plan to fix our current situation.  And our current situation is that Ron Zook will be returning in the fall of 2010 as our head coach.  Therefore, even though I have lost faith in the man, I’m going to suggest ways to produce a winning football program with him at the top. 

2) This season has taught me to respect our place in the mail room of College Football Industries.  And my plan will be centered from that.  No, Brian Kelly isn’t coming here.  There won’t be reporters outside Bob Stoops’ house when the Illini job comes open again.  It is what it is what it is: a sleeping mini-giant that will likely remain in hibernation for quite some time.

But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t expect 7-5/8-4 every year with the occasional backdoor run at the BCS.  And that is what I will seek to attain.

3) I fully realize that this entire plan is futile.  The most likely scenario is this: A new University President is chosen in May, they start in August, they work with Ron Guenther on finding the next AD before he retires at the end of 2010, and said replacement is involved in hiring a new football coach this time next year.  Zook has one more lame-duck season, recruiting falls apart, and I turn around to high-five someone after we cut the Minnesota lead to 10 in the 4th quarter next November… only to find out that no one is seated anywhere near me.

I get that.  But it doesn’t have to happen.  19 ways to improve our 2010 football team, starting with:

#1 – Gut The Assistant Coaches

No, I don’t mean disembowel them (although I wouldn’t mind seeing a little last-scene-of-Bravehart performed on… nevermind).  I mean a fire sale – (nearly) everyone must go.  If we can’t start over with a new head coach, let’s start over with two: an offensive coordinator who is completely in control of the offense, and a defensive coordinator who is the same. Sorry Ron – you go sit over there and Twitter.

I hear you. “Zook will never go for it.”  I know.  But he has to. (More on that in point #2).

There are nine assistant coaches.  I’m keeping two, mostly for recruiting continuity.

GONE

Jim Pry (Wide Receivers) – Loads of talented athletes, way, way, way too many bad routes.  I said back in August that I was least impressed with Jim Pry’s coaching (especially his drills during breakout sessions).  Now, he goes.

Mike Woodford (Special Teams) – 50 punt return yards. On the season.

Curt Mallory (Secondary, co-DC) – Garrett Edwards’ interception in the Fresno State game moved us from last all by ourselves (119th) in interceptions in to a tie for last with four other teams.  And he probably thought that might have saved his job.

Kurt Beathard (Quarterbacks) – In his first season as QB coach, Juice regressed and Eddie regressed.  He coached underperforming receivers last year, and underperforming quarterbacks this year.  Bye bye.

Keith Gilmore (Defensive Line) – I considered keeping him, just for some (supposed) recruiting connections on the east coast.  And the defensive line wasn’t that bad, especially the tackles.  But I think that has more to do with Brent and Liuget’s pro potential than it does with Gilmore’s coaching.  Gilmore went away from Tom Sims’ player rotation this year (Sims used to rotate about 10 guys, Gilmore mostly rotated 6 – three ends and three tackles).  Sorry Keith, but I want our new DC to hire his own guy.

Reggie Mitchell (Running Backs) – I’d love to keep Reggie for his recruiting connections.  I’d be fearful that several players would defect if Reggie was gone.  But the reason you saw Halsey instead of Pierre, or the reason you saw Ford instead of Leshoure on the final drive Saturday, was Reggie Mitchell’s rotation system.  Should Zook have stepped in and vetoed – yes.  But Mitchell seems to have no sense for the hot hand, and for that he must go.

Mike Schultz (Offensive Coordinator) – I struggled with this one the most.  We finally clicked it in gear at the end of the year, averaging 35 points a game over the last 5 games. We finally got the right mix at offensive line and the running game took off.  We seemed to stretch the field a little more, and we pushed the passing game forward while limiting turnovers (which is why Schultz was brought in in the first place).  But this train is so far off the tracks right now that I can’t bring myself to keep him.  We need some false hope.  We need to keep what recruits we have left happy with a “did you see Illinois switched to (name coach) at offensive coordinator?”  We need to overhaul the current spread and find an OC with a progressive scheme that will confuse the Big Ten.  I know it’s a pie in the sky dream, but I want someone that I (and the players) can get excited about.

SAFE

Dan Disch (Linebackers, co-DC) – I’m going to repeat it three times.  I do not want him kept on as defensive coordinator.  I do not want him kept on as defensive coordinator.  I do not want him kept on as defensive coordinator. I’m keeping him around simply for recruiting continuity.  That, and he’s not that bad of a linebackers coach.  He’s probably had the least amount of talent to work with of any position coach, and J and Brit certainly improved under his tutelage.  Not ideal keeping him, but we need some continuity.

So let the new defensive coordinator decide: keep him at LB coach, or send him back to special teams (where he coached in 2005).  Because as bad as the 2005 team was, the special teams were infinitely better than what we’ve seen the last two years.

Joe Gilbert (Offensive Line) – The offensive line was the only unit on the team that got markedly better from game 1 to game 12.  Hugh Thornton was a pleasant surprise at right tackle.  Graham Pocic started to come on once he began platooning with Randall Hunt at left guard.  The running game took off.  After allowing 26 sacks in the first 8 games, they only allowed 3 sacks in the last 4 games.  This improvement buys Joe Gilbert another year.

What do I want from the new coordinators?  Playcalling.  Especially on defense.  The Disch/Mallory combo had the defensive playcalling instincts of a frightened box turtle.  They never called first down blitzes.  Zone blitzes were called at the exact wrong time.  And worst of all, they could be read like a book.  Offensive coordinators had a field day. “Hmmm… Disch and Mallory will likely call a weakside blitz here – hello wide receiver screen!” So I want the new coordinators to be known for their playcalling instincts.

I also want them to have carte blanche.  No more “here’s Zook’s scheme – please come in and run it for us.”  I want new schemes that are implemented in the spring, drilled in Rantoul, look awful against Mizzou, gain traction after the MSU game, and are humming right along in Fresno in December.

So what does Zook do?  That’s point #2. Tomorrow.