And Now For Something Completely Different August 14, 2012
I don’t think I’ve ever strayed from Illini athletics in this space. 3.5 years of doing this, and I believe every post had been at least based on college sports. This one won’t. I think I need to tap a vein.
We just dropped my son at college. This is one of the craziest emotions any human being can experience. I’m pulled in a million directions right now, and I figured the only way to process it was to type it out.
I should back up. Some might be confused. Here I talk about Forbes Hall in the early nineties in one breath and then “son in college” the next. Here’s the quick story: In 2004, I was a 31 year-old single bachelor. In 2005, I was a married father of 9, 11, and 13 year-old boys. See, I married the single greatest single mom in the world (seriously, if there was some competition, she’d win – work two jobs, go to college at night, raise three boys on her own for 9 years, like a BOSS.)
It sounds like a weird transition – single bachelor going to a game at Wisconsin on a whim to married father of three going to JFL football games on a schedule – but it really wasn’t. When asked, I told people that this is what I was born to do. Fatherhood fit like a glove.
And besides, I had fast forwarded to some great dad years. Catch in the backyard. Little league games. Expanding your Illini football season tickets to 4 seats and sitting there with your three sons when you beat #5 Wisconsin in 2007.
But this year, I reduced to three season tickets. Because one of them left three years ago for Southeast Missouri State. And another one we left 45 minutes ago at Colorado State. The third one is doing his best right now, tossing out “you still have me, guys” as my wife and I have tears in our eyes. But we all know what just happened. The scales just tipped. There are now more boys in college than boys at home. And I can’t describe to you how difficult that is (although, apparently, I’m going to try).
I want the world for these three boys. I honestly don’t care if I have anything in life as long as they have everything. So when one of them says he dreams of going to college in the mountains, you find any way to make it work. Does it bother me that he didn’t want to go to Illinois? Not an ounce. His heart comes alive in the mountains, and in no way would I want to squelch that with “but you just have to HEAR Assembly Hall with we hit a big three-pointer”.
In that sense, this is one of the best days of my life. His dreams begin now. We did our part – a trip to Sam’s Club for the six pound box of Goldfish – and now he’s off to chase life. I couldn’t be more excited for him. Or for his older brother. They get to start living.
But like I said above, this tipped the scales. It’s really happening. An empty nest is two years away. Over before it barely began. Becoming a dad when they’re 13, 11, and 9 means you only get 5, 7, and 9 years to strengthen their wings before you nudge them out of the nest. The Juice Williams era (he verballed the day I got married), the Nathan Scheelhaase era, and I’m done being a father. I knew it would be short, but I never imagined this short.
My thoughts naturally drift back to Forbes Hall in August of 1991. My mom in tears, and me not understanding (I get it now, Mom). The half-excited, half-scared to death as the station wagon pulls away. The guys I met across the hall who asked if I wanted to go to Zorba’s for gyros, and going along even though I didn’t know what any of those words meant.
His brother got to experience those emotions a few years ago, and now Matt gets to experience the same. I’m intentionally choking back every “make sure you plug your laptop into a surge protector” and letting him figure it all out on his own. I’m so excited for him to figure out which classes he can skip and which professors to avoid and which ski trip to join. And then, in two weeks, when CSU plays CU in Fort Collins, he gets to learn to hate that team in gold and black from Boulder.
So there’s that. But then there’s this feeling that remains. That empty bedroom at home. The not having to sleep lightly until you hear the car in the driveway at 1:00. And the three seats in Memorial Stadium.
It’s time to head back to the Midwest now. This is exciting and hard, all at the same time. Thanks for letting me share. And if you see a bearded guy in the west balcony on September 1st looking a little melancholy even though we just beat Western Michigan 48-9, it’s because he’s thinking of the two boys he used to bring to games who are now out living their lives. And don’t hate me for checking the CSU-CU score.
Great piece. As a father of a 7 month old, I can only imagine what that feels like.
Thanks for the post. Reminded me of the letter my dad wrote me when he sent me off to college, and makes me think of what awaits me way on down the line (48-yr old late bloomer with a 4 and 1 year old).
Just. Coached my first tee ball game and gave my 2 and 4 year old a bath. Made me think I better not take this for granted! Thanks.
I have religiously read everything you’ve written since ALE began. This is one of your best posts. You have a gift. And not just for remembering who was the third string left tackle in 1994.
Thanks for this piece. I have a 7, 4, and 5 month old. It really does go way too fast. Thanks for reminding us all to cherish it while we can. Keep up the amazing work. You cover the Illini better than the “real” reporters. I thank you for that. Bring on the Broncos!!! Just bought season tickets for the first time and can not wait for the fun to begin!
Robert: The following may be the best single sentence you have ever written on this blog, admitting that I maybe missed a few sentences along the way. And even if I did, I am supremely confident that this is a noble goal for anyone to have:
“I honestly don’t care if I have anything in life as long as they have everything.”
Your statement represents how I feel about my kids even they are now grown adults.
Nice piece. Reminds me of dropping off our son. He was raised in Rochester, NY, a much cooler summer climate. We dropped him off a the six-pack in the fall of 2005. The dorms were not air conditioned. It was 90, with 90% humidity and a soft breeze off of the south farms.
Great piece son I knew that someday you would understand my tears…that day in 1991 and today in 2012!! I am rightfully proud of you for the man you are….the father you are…the husband you are….the journalist you are… AND …. the son you are!!!
Love, Mom
That’s 100% genuine mom right there, people.
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Your move, JoeJohn.
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Man, that is a crazy fast fatherhood you went through. Almost like you DVR’d it and watched it in record time. Yeah, your head must be spinning.
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I was there moving into UIUC for the first time in fall of 1991 as well – in FAR, not Forbes. ATOs were winging the newbies in the dorms with water balloons. Wasn’t sure what to make of it. And wouldn’t trade the experience down there for anything in the world. Great times, great memories, great friends, great sports teams. Oh wait…
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Go Illini (along with those mascots are of your two sons schools)
Excellent piece Robert, thanks for sharing. You’re quickly becoming one of my favorite writers, and not just because you run an Illini blog (though it helps). You definitely have a gift for writing, and thanks for sharing both your writing and your passion for the Illini with the rest of us. I L L…
My husband sends me lots of your articles and this is the only one I read in its entirety – never thought you’d make me cry!
My oldest had his first day of HS today, Robert. Those extra years don’t amount to much time either. Man, it flies. Great post and keep them coming!
From both me and Bryce, great piece, godspeed to Matt and his brothers.
In honor of this post, the wife and I are purchasing 4 tix for the Western Michigan game and bringin the 6 and 3 year olds. They’ve been to many hoops games, but this will be the first (of many) football venture.
Congrats on being a great father!!
Robert, great post. Went through the same thing with both my kids, my daughter 3 years ago and my son last year. Both times, I was in Champaign as I was saying goodbye and good luck. As a 35 year season ticket holder, the tailgates are allot more fun when they are joined by your kids and their friends. Can’t wait to take pictures in front of the Alma Mater on graduation day. Go ILLINI!!!
Great post, Robert. Can’t imagine have two away at college at my age. Thanks for the reminder to not take the time with the kids for granted.
On another note, CSU seems like a great place to visit.
Hey, Grogs – I also spent my first year at Illinois in 1991 in FAR – 6th floor Oglesby.
Thanks for sharing! You do a great job covering the Illini and kudos to you for following your passion.
With two little ones at home this made me feel like they’ll be off to college tomorrow…wish I was close enough to attend Illni games like some of the other commenters, you don’t realize how lucky you are. (though I did drag my 1.5 yr old daughter to the bowl game in SF; she remembers the hotdog).
Keep up the great work.
Great Post. Have to admit ever since I heard about the site, I check it religiously. Your attitude and optimism are sorely missed on other sites.
Even though i’m 24, that piece was still moving. I really messed up after HS and the parents never stopped supporting me.
Great post Robert. You do an excellent job of writing the feelings that my son and I share about all things Illini.
In two days, my wife and I will drop off our sophomore for his second year in Champaign. On September 1, I’ll be the guy in the northeast balcony high-fiving the air as my son looks up from his spot in the Marching Illini and offers me the same high-five right before pregame and halftime. As the band runs onto the field, I’ll also be the guy needing to clear his throat repeatedly and wondering who turned on the faucet behind my eyes!
Keep up the good work. Look forward to seeing you in Florida or California this holiday season!
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MJC73 – what a small world. It was a long walk/ride to campus from FAR, but at least we had A/C for the hot weather. UIUC was a really good college experience. Just hope all kids have a similar one – where they look forward to coming back to visit the way I did/do.
Well, when you are an empty-nester in a few years, you need to move up to Champaign and get on the N-G staff. Make this literary marriage legal. The fact that you are not getting paid for your writing is a crime.
Agreed with the previous poster…your posts are so insightful, thorough, and, especially in this case, beautifully written. I consistently enjoy reading the blog. Keep up the TREMENDOUS work! And best wishes to your boys…you sound like a very proud dad.