First off, if you’re a Missouri fan, stop reading.  You won’t like this very much.

OK…

Are they gone?  No Missouri fans around?

BWHAAAHAAHAAAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!!!

…

TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO

It’s June 10th.  Colorado has jumped to the Pac 10.  Nebraska will join the Big 10 tomorrow.  And Missouri’s in-house TV affiliate has a headline on their website – posted this morning, mind you – that states “Tigers Consider Move To Big Ten Conference“.

Days after the Big 12 conference gave MU and Nebraska an ultimatum to stay or move to the Big Ten, the board of curators is meeting behind closed doors today.

The Big 12 conference gave Missouri and Nebraska an ultimatum to reaffirm commitment to the Big 12 or join the Big Ten and that deadline is a week away.

A leading Omaha newspaper reports Nebraska will likely join the Big 12 tomorrow and become the 12th team in the conference, joining the likes of Ohio state, Iowa and Michigan.

A move to the Big Ten would mean a stable home for MU and Nebraska with federal grant money and football TV revenue that dwarfs that of Big 12 money.

(Edit: They changed the headline and the story now. After getting mocked worldwideweb-wide for two hours. Original headline is still here on the Tigerboard.)

Yes, it actually says that. “Consider”.  For those who are a bit lost, let me back up.

The Big Ten announces they are exploring expansion in December.  Rumors swirl all winter and spring.  Because of these rumors – and because he realizes the wolves are circling his conference – Big 12 Commissioner Dan Beebe asks for a commitment from all twelve Big 12 schools.  An “are you with us or against us?” kind of a thing.  9 schools sign on.  3 schools don’t, because they can’t, because they’re pretty sure they’re moving on.  Those schools are Colorado (officially a Pac 10 member as of today), Nebraska (officially a Big 10 member as of tomorrow), and Missouri (officially peeing down their leg).

It’s high school all over again, and I’m loving it.  Dan breaks up with his girlfriend because a new girl from the west coast is a lot more attractive.  Bo breaks things off with his girl because a new midwestern gal arrives on the scene and shows heavy interest.  Caught up in the whole thing, Gary breaks up with his girl, convinced that this midwestern gal is totally into him.

Except she’s not.  And now he probably has to go back to his girlfriend and see if she’ll take him back.  But she probably wants nothing to do with him, and her friends have been laughing behind his back, and his next door neighbor has been putting kick-me signs on his back.  To make things worse, that whole clique is about to break apart and move out to the coast, leaving Gary to wonder if he can even sit with the show choir at lunch.

Loving. It.

For those wondering why I hold so much animosity towards Missouri, well, two things.

1) I live in Missouri.  St. Louis area, to be exact.  Many of you knew this, some didn’t and are currently wondering why I would drive to Champaign for so many football practices.  We’re talkin’ ’bout PRACTICE, man.

But living in this state and dealing with these fans has been the greatest bad decision of my life.  SO out of touch.  SO over-exaggerating their place in the college sports landscape.  SO annoying.

So when I saw the St. Louis and Columbia media not even discussing the “um, what if the Big 10 isn’t interested?” angle, I knew that sweet schadenfreude was only a few weeks away.  More on that in a bit.

2) Read this.  Whenever I feel the slightest hint of sympathy for the Tigers, I need only to think of those moronic fratboys and my tears.  Done with them for life.

Back to today.  Missouri administrators are meeting to discuss conference expansion while the Big Ten, according to an ESPN report last night, is “giving (them) the could shoulder”.  Three schools decided to pass on committing to the Big 12, two of them will be members of new conferences tomorrow, and one of them is putting out news stories that prove they still haven’t figured out that the phone isn’t going to ring.

Do you understand how much arrogance it takes to have months to prepare for this and, on the very day that everything is crumbling, have the campus media outlet put out a story stating that you’re the one “considering a move to the Big Ten”?  This much:

“Illini Blogger Considering Leaving Wife For Jessica Biel”

(not really, baby.  just a figure of speech. you’re my girl.)

Look, maybe I’m wrong.  Maybe ESPN doesn’t know anything, and the Big Ten really is considering the Tigers.  That would be fine.  It would take me less than a day to switch to “oh, it is so on” mode.

But I think I’m right.  And that will send me to bed the next few weeks feeling like this: