Let’s do these as position battles.  Like every high school football practice, college training camp, and NFL post-game party, nobody cares about the kickers, holders, or long-snappers (maybe Jim Sheppard, but he’s, like, the only one). So to spice things up, picture if you will, on a practice field at dusk in the back corner of Camp Rantoul, these heated position battles raging long into the night…

Placekicker: Matt Eller (SO) vs. Derek Dimke (SO)

This one is probably more of a battle than people think. Matt Eller won the kicking job coming out of camp last year, so most expect him to be the placekicker for three more years.  That very well may be the case, but I’ve heard Zook mention a couple times that Derek Dimke is still in the running.

Eller was pretty great for a freshman kicker – 15 for 20 on field goals, 39 for 41 on PAT’s, and, you know, that. Smart money says that he is the kicker for the next three years.  Zook gave him the job on a hunch that he would perform the best under pressure, and he certainly did.

But Dimke still has a shot, mostly because he has a stronger leg.  If Eller does win the placekicking job, I wouldn’t be surprised to see us use Derek Dimke in a John Gockman “let’s see if he can make it from 53″ role. Hey, it worked for us before (by the way, turn off the video after Gockman’s kick sails through – just, just turn it off).

Kickoffs: Derek Dimke (SO) vs. Michael Cklamovski (SR)

I’m gonna go ahead and hand this one to Derek Dimke.  We were originally planning to redshirt the kid.  Kickoffs were a mixture of Matt Eller and Mike Cklamovski for the first five games.  Cklamovski had the kickoff duties in the Minnesota game, and yanked two – yes, TWO – out of bounds.  The first one was followed immediately by Martez Wilson’s facemask penalty, giving Minnesota a 45 yard field.  Which, coincidentally, was one of three scores where Minnesota didn’t have to cross the 50…

You know what? It’s over. I mean sure, you know, we out-gained them by 238 yards.  But we lost.  And I’m OK with that.  Life lessons and whatnot.

Derek DImke has kicked off since the Indiana game last year and will continue to do so because I don’t think Ron Zook will ever allow Mike Cklamovski to kick off again after yanking two out of bounds against Minnesota. The end.

Punter: Anthony Santella (JR) vs. Kyle Yelton (SR)

I just rubbed my temple. Seriously, I did. I typed the words “Santella vs. Yelton” and gave it one of these. It wasn’t a setup or anything – our punting game seriously stresses me out.

Not to be all Lou Tepper, but if we don’t improve in the punting game, I won’t get my dream season.  If we shank a punt from our 32 and give Missouri a 61 yard field instead of an 83 yard field, we might give them a chance to get back in it.  If we can’t get a good 48 yards out of our punter when we’re backed up in our own endzone and instead kick a low line drive that’s returned to the 29, we might watch New Years Day fade away.

I don’t even want to type this.  Seriously.  I’ll just say that Yelton looked like his Rutgers self in the spring game, so that means we enter yet another season saying “he booms them in warmups – Santella will come around soon”.  Again.

Long Snapper: Tad Keely (JR) vs. Zach Pederson (rs-FR)

You’re expecting it, and I’ll provide it.  Tweets from the Rantoul Scrimmage about the long-snapper battle.  Done and done.

Tad Keely gets to do it for two more years, and then Zach Pederson gets to do it for two years after that.  That’s probably the last time you’ll hear their names unless Keely snaps one over Santella’s head.  But that won’t happen, because Tad is solid.  David Keely set out to turn his boys into Illini long snappers, and we just get to sit back and watch perfect spirals thrown underhand and backwards. Salud, Mr. Keely.

Holder: Anthony Santella (JR) vs. Steve Hull (FR)

There’s that name again.  If Santella can’t be trusted to not shank when under pressure, how can we be assured he won’t Romo a field goal?  So I’m hoping true freshman Steve Hull beats him out. At BOTH positions.

Summation: Unfairness Doctrine

I’m being horribly unfair to Anthony Santella.  I’m sure he’s a nice boy who loves his grandmother and accepts every Facebook friend. And standing on paint and staring at 10 elite Ohio State athletes ain’t easy. So if I’m willing to give Martez Wilson turn-the-corner-as-an-upperclassmen leeway, why not extend the same to Santella? I’ll think back to the Rose Bowl, be reminded of his punts sailing high into the Pasadena sunset, and give him the benefit of the doubt. But it’s a short leash, Tony. Just sayin’.

So there it is. 13,564 words on each and every position.  And I loved every minute of it. T-minus 104 hours until I’m standing on the sideline at Camp Rantoul, watching to see if Russell Ellington is bigger, Cordale Scott is faster, and Whitney Mercilus is stronger.  Can’t wait.